i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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