Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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