dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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