I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
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A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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