He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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