I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just found a bag of teeth...
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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