I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You ate ashes out of my bong
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