My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize