You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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