Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
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Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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