So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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