Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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