After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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