just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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