Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
try to milk me bitch
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