I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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