Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
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Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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