names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
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i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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