Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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