Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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