I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
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Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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