Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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