I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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