I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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