Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize