im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We're too hungover to prance.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize