he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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