I just found puke in my bra..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize