you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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