If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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