I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize