Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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