My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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