I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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