I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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