I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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