I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
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I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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