i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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