Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I love you. Go after that dick
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize