i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize