my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize