I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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