i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize