we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize