I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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