You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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