And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize