She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
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"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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