just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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