Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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